Adv0catus
Adv0catus: A man with a name similar to "advocate" yet suspiciously does not advocate any strong positions we know of. Well if he ain't advocating, what's he doing? (Plumberiffic) Have you ever seen a plumber wade in shit all day yet come out fairly clean? No?! Then you haven't looked at this looker! Whether it comes naturally or through some monk-like diligence; he manages to stay clean of most drama. Maybe it's class, I dunno. Not to say he doesn't get his fair share of the awkward shit cake that is OT. A semi-well known example can be found on the edit history of this very page (look that shit up faggot)! MJ can try with all his might yet the barrage of insults simple roll off into bite sized pieces of entertainment that he thoroughly consumes. Did you know this motherfucker can be on the receiving end of the most abusive paragraphs and respond with "yeah" or "I know"? That shit is fucking badass man. Like, so fucking badass even internet badasses pay a tithe in badass just to worship the ground this guy walks on. And it doesn't end there! He can even enter the most disgusting, degrading, and despicable of topics only to give a short and dismissive reply. He lets you know he's there and how much of a fuck he doesn't give. That automatically sets him apart from most other OTers. He also gives advice to plumbers on how to keep clean of shit when submerged in it. Any prospective shit waders should hit this guy up for tips. What's up with the name though? Why say you're advocating if no such advocating is taking place? (Parody) That's because you read it wrong mother fucker! That's a zero, not an "O", and you should be ashamed. Now, what it really means is quite a bit different. You see, this man has quite an aversion to cactus and prickly green objects in general. Not that he cares about being pricked because he's a badass. Rather while spending one day in Death Valley with no food or water (a leisurely summer) a cactus looked at him the wrong way and gave him mad disrespect. To punish that cactus, and all cactuskind, he vowed never to grace them with his gaze again. His name can be more easily understood as Advanced (Adv) Zero (0) catus (cactus) now that you understand his aversion to cacti. His devotion to disrespecting these asshole plants is so great it's now a mantra he lives by. He gave them the darkness of being ignored and consumes their collective sorrow (which as it turns out sorrow powers his badass super power so it's pretty much a scheme). He even went so far as to make a game about avoiding cactus. A subtle way to subconsciously get others to ignore cactus as well. It has worked too, as the odd social movement of cacti no long being acceptable potted plants is largely due to his efforts. Moral of the story is never look at this guy the wrong way or you'll get ignored into the next dimension. The second moral is to make sure your username can't be as easily misconstrued as his. Had his username's meaning been clear, you wouldn't need me to tell you this obviously true story. Oh, and you may be wondering why he spelled "cactus" in his username incorrectly. As it turns out the best way to disrespect something is to incorrectly spell its name. Upon hearing this I thought nothing more than "holy shit that's evil, and badass". Sex Scandal with Zam! (Almost entirely false and is a parody) Yes, it's all true. You read it here and it is true! Ever wonder why Zam would go around to certain women (namely Maowee) and say "I'll spank you like a dirty advocado" in an obvious sexual tone? Probably not but fuck it you're reading this anyway. You see Adv0catus is very gay, and Zam is very Bisexual. Zam thought he'd totally get in Adv0's pants with the pickup line "Hey baby, I adv0cate that you look like a sexy adv0cado and we should see adv0catUS in bed". To his dismay this did not work as Adv0catus simply had bigger fish to fuck and replied with a melancholic "whatever" and promptly ignored him. Zam, distraught by this turn of events, now shouts at random women that he'll spank em like a nasty advocado to cope with the PTSD he now has from such a traumatic rejection. It's also rumored that he often whispers to himself that he'll have his sweet precious adv0cado one day to help him sleep at night. This has not been confirmed, but it's probably true because I wrote so. So there ya have it. A manizing shit-less cactus avoiding son-of-a-gun who simply does not give a fuck.